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To stay or go…

20171021_190935

To stay or go...

For the past several years I have repeatedly said I was leaving #SocialMedia; yet I never have.

Granted I have reconnected with people, made some new ones and have seen points of view that I never would have known about.  I've shared my heartaches and joys with you and been there to experience the same from you.  I've been given and gave advice, both good and bad, but I've also been bullied.  And that is what I'm writing about this time.

I have many social network accounts and some are personal and some are business and advocacy related.  So needless to say this is a big choice for me.  Around midnight on October 5th, 2018 I signed-out of all my accounts and did not come back until October 7th, 2018.  And for that brief time I did NOT miss any of it.  Granted my birthday was October 6th and that's one of the reasons I signed out.  But what blew my mind is that no one actually called me to wish me that.  Yes when I signed back in I saw some direct messages and posts on my feeds.  But I've seen first hand that in this day and age of #Twitter, #Facebook, Instagram, etc.. I'ts easier for people to post something on your feed using their phone than to call you.

Growing-up in a social bubble due to a disability I am used to being alone.  In-fact I actually enjoy it more.  But growing up in a bubble or even in my sister's shadow is no excuse for not liking myself after all these years.  I've always wanted to find a place to "fit-in"...  First is with the Boy Scouts, then Choir, then a series of meaningless dates (those that were desperate enough to go out with me)...    After High School it was leaving the Catholic Church for a cult (LA International) then coming back.... And then it was the Knights of Columbus and thinking about the seminary.  It was then I found someone I thought I could spend the rest of my life with a lovely lady with a child her name was Helen Sportel.  I found out to late in the relationship that all she wanted was a babysiter for her little girl.  She kicked me out once I started working as a delivery driver.  After Helen I spent almost the next year living alone in a small cabin... (12 x 12 foot.)  I was happy and I was so close to God that I almost could see is face.

Things have a habit of changing.... In November 2003 I married the woman I would call my wife... At least until June of 2005.  Her name was Marie Frasca a school teacher... I wanted to spend my life with her, I gave her everything and made her a promise in front of God, friends and family.  However once she found out that we could not have kids... She dropped me like a bad habit.  Needless to say I will always have a place in my heart for her; for she was my Wife blessed by God.

After the divorce I moved back in with my parents, god it's tough moving back home after you've been out on your own.  I waited and dated... I was seeing a lady in Arkansa and on a trip back there I asked her to marry me... I had just landed... Within 24 hours I was on a plane back to LA never to be involved with her again.  Then just when I was about to give up on EVERYTHING I found Susan Ackerman...  She was a breath of fresh air in my life.  We got so involved I moved up to Modesto, CA in the fall/winter of 2007 and found work... But on December 28th, 2008 my Epilepsy showed it's ugly head AGAIN and I had a seizure that almost cost me my life.  And her final words to me was "I just can't handle it."  I was devastated, I mean to the point where I wanted to die; and almost did.

Shortly after moving back my aunt passed away and I took over the photo business and I met Clara; we were scheduled to marry but my temper showed it's jealous head and after that I just couldn't do it.  Then after Clara it was Wendy...  That's a whole blog post there.  Well each of these could be a novel...All with the same ultimate ending.  During a breakup with Wendy I fell for Valerie and thought of her alot...But I just could not tell her my innermost thoughts right then.  That is a mistake I will always regret.

 


I've been on the internet since it was the old BBS boards and using something other than the keyboard to control the computer was not even thought of.  Looking back I wish I never asked my dad for a Apple IIc, because that opened the door to a lot of shit...Yes shit.  I got really addicted to being "online" and to the other things that are evil out there.   I've been on MySpace, BBS boards, Facebook, Twitter, email, gmail, etc...  And I'm still sitting in the same place I was when I took that first PC out of the box.

So the question I asked at the start "To Stay Or Go..."  Well I have been getting bullied by a wanna be producer out there who "promotes a anti-bullying cause" even his companies are named after the documentary... LOL  He's such a fraud.  Then there's also one who I used to know but she moved away and still thinks evil about me...  I think she "wants" to be a chef in Vegas or something.   I have so many memories online and that's the only way I know to keep in contact with people.  Because be serious no one calls or writes anymore... Let alone comes over.

So if I had and I could choose to go offline 100% right now... I would.  But like I mentioned I have business and advocacy related accounts that need my attention...  Because come on who is going to carry MY LIGHT.  Yep that's right no one.  So even thou the pressure to just 100% QUIT SOCIAL MEDIA is very tempting.  As we enter this new year I'm not going to leave everything.... But I am going to scale it back; and possibly even delete some accounts.  I will leave this site and my business site up...  But everyonce in a while a call is always good.  I'm not going to carry on conversations via social media...  Why so all the world to see???

So am I leaving social media...   You tell me.

One Comment

  • Susanne Hartman

    I hope you stay Sherry. Living in different times zones, we never talk on the phone. I usually enjoy your posts. If it is not good, if you are upset about something, if you are asking a question, I try to respond as quickly as possible and provide support, sometimes information, and sometimes even advice. At times I may be busy with dr appts, caring for my grandchildren, or caring for my mom and cant respond immediately. Please know that I like having you as a friend online and enjoy talking to you on Facebook and would miss keeping up with you here.

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